Authority Exchange Relationships
Resistance is Welcome
Resistance is a natural occurrence in a relationship that exchanges authority. How we manage resistance as both Master and slave can either divide us or provide an opportunity for engagement. In this class, we will explore resistance from the Master’s perspective and discuss how as leaders we react to resistance and how we can manage it from a place of power and authority. We will also explore why resistance happens from the slave’s viewpoint and suggest that rather than offer resistance, we can communicate and then surrender our struggle. Join Tomo for this engaging discussion and discover how we might transform perceived opposition in authority exchange relationships to growth.
Staying in It - Remaining Present During Conflict in Authority Exchange Relationships
Humans often react to conflict, attack, or stress with a fight, flight, or freeze response. In this class, Tomo will offer the concept from a martial arts principle of remaining present in conflict, applied specifically to relationships that exchange authority. Being present without fight, flight, or freeze during stressful situations including conflict can help us be more centered with a goal of resolution. Using a simple hand technique which will be practiced in the class, we will all feel and experience the magic of “staying in it” in our bodies, minds, and hearts. (In person classes only)
The Art of Apology
I am sorry. Three little words that are at times so difficult to say and at times especially in Master slave Relationships. Even when we can say them, “I am sorry” may not be enough. In this class, we will discuss what it means to offer a clean and effective apology. We’ll examine issues such as entrenching, triggers, apology as a sign of weakness, and communication challenges in conflict. We will also discuss how apologies are applicable to both sides of an authority exchange. The ability to listen and apologize is a key component to moving through conflict which can enrich and grow your authority exchange relationship. Join Tomo for key suggestions and stories from his experience in Hierarchical Relationships, from both sides of the exchange.
Navigating the Plateau in Master slave Relationships
It is inevitable that the road of our life's travel, the paths of our endeavors and even our Master slave relationship will eventually arrive at a plateau. During this time, a staleness or lack of progress may be felt. Authority exchange relationships are not immune to the plateau. In this class, we will discuss the concept of life's plateaus, how they relate to our relationships, and ways to manage the time without peaks or valleys. It is said in the martial arts that true growth and training occur while on the plateau. Please join us and discover how your authority exchange relationship may find peace and growth during the time that you navigate the relationship plateau.
Communication skills are the backbone of all interpersonal relationships and are critical to relationships that exchange authority. In this class, we will discuss communication skills as they apply to hierarchical relationships, including how to communicate more effectively; verbal and non-verbal communication; listening skills; how miscommunications may occur; and the challenge of maintaining communication within the dynamic. Improving our communication skills within the framework of our individually defined rules and protocols allows us to live more fully - and hopefully more calmly - within our authority exchange.
Two Plus: Essentials, Joys and Challenges of Polyamory
Many of us in the Leather, Kink, and BDSM communities participate in relationships with more than one person. While having multiple partners in your life can bring joy and fulfillment, the path can also be tricky to navigate at times, especially in Authority Exchange relationships. Tomo will share his thoughts and experience as we examine the joys of multiple partners, as well as what the challenges may be. We will discuss making the choice to have multiple partners, different types and definitions of polyamory, essentials for success, and common challenges with suggested solutions.
Layers of Hierarchy in Polyamory
Many of us who live in hierarchical relationships also live in a polyamorous world. Tomo will share his thoughts and experience as we examine hierarchy and polyamory during this moderated participatory discussion. Please join us and discuss different combinations of polyamory and hierarchy; what is necessary to have healthy relationships within a dynamic of multiple people that exchange authority; common challenges and solutions; the fun and sexy opportunities for connection; and the inter-related dynamics between the layers.
Obedience, Compliance, Alignment
Inspired by his navigation device (Garmin at the time) on the drive to an M/s event many years ago, Tomo will describe his thoughts during this discussion on obedience, compliance and alignment of will. As the Master, do you seek obedience or do you prefer your desire is aligned to? As the slave, do you obey or do you align with the will of your leader? Does the need for obedience or alignment change given the issue? Does this shift, deepen, or change over time? Sharing his experience as well as telling personal stories, Tomo will examine obedience, compliance and alignment of will during this exploration and discussion.
M/s Levels of Exchange
In Master/slave Relationships, it is imperative to know what specifically is being offered for surrender and being accepted for responsibility. These specifics require mindful reflection, communication, and consent. Exchange is a living, growing, and changing process. Aspects of this progression include: incorporating distinct parts of our life to the exchange with clarity, understanding and consent; building increasing layers and levels of authority exchange; and increasing the intensity of authority exchange. Tomo will lead this moderated discussion sharing his thoughts and experience as we examine a progression of surrender and responsibility, the mindful investigation needed and the communication of consent.
Surrender is hot. Surrender is beautiful to give and to receive. As Masters, we strive to inspire and control another to create the relationship we envision. As slaves, we strive to join this vision, surrender power, will, and authority. However, as the depth of our control and surrender in an authority exchange relationship increases, so does the danger that what is being surrendered becomes unhealthy. In this class, we will examine and take inventory of ourselves as Leaders and followers, and our core needs as humans. We will discuss ways in which surrender can be done in a safe and healthy manner, experiences we have had which may have crossed the line into an unhealthy place, and tools we can use to ensure healthy surrender and control moving forward.
There are times that a slave may be required to manage another. Perhaps there is a need to train a newcomer to the household, manage a person in service while you are yourself in service, or many other possible scenarios. As we add people, we add joy and also complication. Having experienced this middle management scenario extensively, Tomo will share his thoughts on the benefits (spoiler alert: ITS HOT!), possible dangers, and how to define and create success for everyone involved.
Vanilla with Sprinkles – An Introduction to Hierarchical Relationships
Interested in kneeling before the bed before you are permitted to enter? Do you get hot about the thought of a night of Dominant and submissive role play? How about a weekend, a month, or a lifetime? Let's take your fantasies about taking and surrendering control, and turn them into reality! Tomo, who has lived for many years in 24/7 authority exchange relationships will tell you how! More than just a "Kink 101", we will discuss how to negotiate and create a power exchange scene with your partner to create a hot and safe experience, and answer all of your questions. We will also talk about what it is like to live in a relationship that surrenders authority 24/7!
We'll explore the difference between kinky sex vs. Dominance and submission, share what you need to know about giving or taking temporary control, navigate how to play on the edge while keeping it safe for yourself and your partner physically and emotionally, and show you what D/s can look like OUTSIDE the bedroom. In his honest and open teaching style, Tomo will provide you with solid information you can use as well as quite a few stories and laughs!
The Centered slave
Center of body and mind, alignment, connection, and balance are principles used in the martial arts and other arts to create powerful and strong technique. Master slave relationships require an alignment of direction and action to have a powerful and balanced relationship. In this class, Tomo will use these martial arts principles to lead us in investigating how we can maintain our center, find balance, increase our connection and find alignment in our surrender and service during good times and difficult times. We will examine alignment, how it affects one’s emotional center, and how we can negotiate an impediment and meet our leader on an aligned path. In order to provide a safe space to share, this class is limited to people who serve, surrender, and follow.
Exchange of Authority from Your Center
Center of body and mind, alignment, connection, and balance are principles used in the martial arts and other arts to create powerful and strong technique. Master slave relationships require an alignment of direction and action to have a powerful and balanced relationship. In this class, Tomo will use these martial arts principles to lead us in investigating how we can increase our connection and alignment from both sides of an authority exchange and maintain our center during challenging times. We will examine alignment from the perspectives of the Leader and the follower, how it affects one’s emotional center, how the Leader can guide the follower around difficult obstacles and how the follower can negotiate an impediment and meet the Leader on an aligned path. This class welcomes perspectives from both sides of the Authority Exchange relationship.
Surrender with Power
A powerful person may be influential, independent, straightforward, and assertive. We will examine personal power, how it can be a tool in our surrender as slaves, and look at the misconceptions that one with a strong will cannot surrender it. Discover how to serve and yield while embracing the power that is within you. Whether you are the manager of a powerful slave, you are powerful and struggle with the concept of combining power and surrender or you seek to find your own internal power, join us as we look at many sides of this issue.
The “s” in M/s
How do we define "slave", “submissive” or “servant” – one who follows - for ourselves and discover what we each have to offer? What does it take to find that within yourself day after day? What inspires you? How do you handle conflict? These are some of the questions we will address in addition to a discussion of topics including power exchange vs authority exchange; how to serve from a powerful place; what you look for in a partner; determining what you have to offer; learning that it is "not about you”; that beautiful place of surrender; and how to survive a breakup. Whether you are brand new or have years of experience, you will benefit from this interactive class and discussion of authority exchange from the view of surrender. In order to provide a safe space to share, this class is limited to people who serve, surrender, and follow.
slaves - How Much is Too Much?
As a slave, one often aligns to the will of another. At times, the line that indicates what amount of surrender is enough and what is too much may become blurred. In this discussion, we will look at what it means to surrender, align, where the line that marks “too much” is for each of us. We will talk about maintaining individual power and sense of self while offering surrender, that is healthy and sustainable. In order to provide a safe space to share, this class is limited to people who serve, surrender, and follow.
The Inside Scoop - Secrets for Masters from a slave
Have you ever wished you could know what goes on inside the mind of your slave???? Ever wondered what makes a slave tick? Do you have questions you’d love to ask a slave, but not the one who belongs to you? Here’s your chance. Tomo, who has been both a Dominant and a slave for decades, will share insights into the inner workings of inspiring those who surrender and serve. This class will also provide a supportive, transparent, and confidential space for Masters to discuss and ask anything they’ve always wanted to ask, but were concerned about their Master card being confiscated. In order to provide a safe space to share, this class is limited to people who lead and command.
To Serve - The Basics
You know in your heart you are meant to serve, to kneel, and to surrender. The feelings are deep and perhaps you cannot even grasp or define them, however you know they are there. You wonder though, what is the next step? How do I do this? What do I need to know? You have feelings of wanting to do the right thing, and you don't want to make a mistake, but don't know what that right thing is. Come learn the basics of service, and surrender. Tomo will provide slaves, submissives and others who serve with an outlined path to help you define for yourself what the right thing is for you and for the person you serve. We will discuss the basic skills that every servant should have, along with practical applications.
Conflict Resolution Within a Master slave Framework
Living in a Master slave relationship presents us with the challenge of resolving conflict within that dynamic. This can often be quite difficult. We will look at the basics of conflict resolution and how that applies, remains the same, and changes within a Master slave relationship from both perspectives. The goal of this class is to increase our conflict resolution skills, and discover what we must focus on in order to find resolution while maintaining and engaging in our authority exchange dynamic.
Living the Life 24/7
Living in Authority Exchange is who I am, not what I do. When I chose to live within a Master slave relationship, I embarked on a path filled with joy, challenge, learning and growth. This class will be a moderated discussion about what fulfills us, as participants on both sides of the “slash” to live in a Master slave relationship. We will look at why we do it, what the joys are, as well as some of the challenges we may face along the way.
M/s Across the Miles
You’ve found what you believe to be the perfect Master slave relationship with one exception... they are located across the country or even across the world! A long-distance relationship can be difficult in the vanilla world. To live fully in a relationship that exchanges authority long distance brings with it many additional challenges and also many opportunities for service, surrender, and sexy connection. Tomo has spent many years in long distance authority exchange relationships and will share his experience from both sides and perspectives. We will discuss the complexity of this type of relationship, and share ideas for building solid ground, consistency, and closeness to maintain the dynamic and your erotic connection long distance.
You Get What You Inspire - Engagement of Master and slave
Motivation and engagement are threads that binds us as Masters and slaves and contribute to the inspiration for our joy. Tomo, who has lived as both a Dominant and a slave for decades will share thoughts about how we may inspire each other from both sides of the slash in this facilitated discussion. We will explore obedience, how to observe and learn what encourages our person, leadership of those who surrender to us, development of devotion, and the benefits of doing the work to actively engage in the Authority Exchange.
Authority Exchange - A Deep Exploration (3 or 4 hour intensive)
Join Tomo for an intensive journey and exploration of Master slave relationships. Sharing his stories and experiences from over 25 years of living as both a Dominant and a slave, Tomo will guide us with ideas, discussion and exercises to enrich our Master slave relationships offering viewpoints from both sides of the slash.
We’ll talk about how to inspire obedience to your orders as well as the skills needed to surrender and serve. Tomo will offer thoughts to support us to engage with each other and deepen our relationship with trust and accountability. Using concepts from the martial arts applied to authority exchange such as center of the body and mind, alignment, and connection, we will investigate how we can increase our connection with each other and thrive in the joy of our relationship as well as maintain our center during challenging times.
Whether you are new to Authority Exchange or have decades of experience, Tomo will offer clarity, a few laughs, interesting concepts and inspiration to support your own personal development and the growth of your Authority Exchange relationship.
Mindful Self Growth
These Bags Are Heavy - Surrender While Managing Trauma
I once had a therapist say to me that living in relationships that exchange authority was a slippery slope for me. I have found that the bags I carry are quite heavy. At times managing the weight of them while choosing to surrender can indeed be daunting. In this discussion, I will share some of the challenges I have had living as somebody who surrenders while managing abuse derived from childhood and previous relationships. I will also speak about the ways I have learned to overcome my struggle so that I can live with joy in surrender. I invite attendees to join in the discussion and share the fulfillment we feel in surrender, the roadblocks in the way and how we overcome them.
I'm Too Damn Old To Be A ....
Aging is an inevitable part of life, no matter how we try to avoid it. We will face issues from physical, mental, and emotional perspectives. In this class we will examine the challenges that face us as we mature, such as cognitive struggle, physical limitations, and chronic pain. Tomo believes that with honest self-assessment and communication, adaptations can be found for continued joy and success in Master slave relationships as well as BDSM play. Join us as we discuss common issues related to aging and propose solutions applicable to both sides of the authority exchange.
Some Days I Feel Like a Piece of Taffy
Living as a Type AAAA, driven, busy, poly, Dominant, slave, leather person and leader can be a challenge! Tomo, who has a very busy life and a long list of varied responsibilities each and every day, will share some of the skills learned by overcoming the challenges of this lifestyle. We will discuss topics such as being an organized slave, prioritizing, emotional connection, finding time for everyone including yourself, and maintaining balance as they apply to multiple people, responsibilities and tasks in our lives. And, we’ll squeeze all this information into 90 minutes!
Getting It Done – 10 Steps to Being an Organized and Effective slave
Every wonder how some people get so much done in a day? Have you ever been overwhelmed as a slave with the many tasks and responsibilities asked of you? Puzzled how some seem to have more hours in a day than you do? The key is not having more time, but instead making the best use of the time you have. In this class, Tomo will share his secrets to juggling many balls in the air at once, how to get a tremendous amount of work done, and doing it all in an organized and effective way.
Diversity, Equity and Inclusion - Let's Do the Work!
Many of us in Leather Community have the intent to create events and spaces that are diverse and accessible. Often, while we have good intent, we don’t have the tools or steps to be successful. Offering 30 years of event production experience and a passion for social justice, Tomo will share his stories, failures and successes in this led discussion. This class is meant for us to learn how to DO THE WORK without relying on the labor of marginalized groups to teach us.
Can I Teach at an M/s or Leather Event?
Yes! Having taught for many years in the Master slave and Leather Community, Tomo will share his thoughts on how to become a successful teacher. We will talk about types of classes, M/s class development, a formula for class design, how to come up with topics, discovering what you have to offer as a Masater or slave and finding your worth, building confidence, timelines, and the challenges of teaching virtually. As always, Tomo’s class will be a mixture of facts combined with stories from his life, sharing successes, failures, and laughs. Plenty of time will be built into the class for questions and you will likely leave with inspiration and homework.
The 10 (or 100) Most Important Things You Need To Know To Produce an Event - Empowering M/s Producers by Building Community When attending events, we have all seen some that ran well, and some that struggled. Applying his 30+ years of event production experience, Tomo will share the top considerations in event planning. We will discuss venue, the production team, budget, accessibility, diversity, inclusion, critical systems, and timeline among other important issues. This class will provide newcomers to production with an outline of the steps to take to get started, and experienced producers with key insights to make the job easier.
Top/bottom - What You Always Wanted to Ask
This class will create a welcoming, open, and non-threatening space for folks just starting out on the basics of being a Top or a bottom. When I first found the Kink Community, I had a million questions like: What do I need to know?, How do I ____ to my bottom, How can I be a good bottom?, How can I be safe?, What are the rules?, How do I get a play date?, Can I be both a Top and a bottom?, among so many other questions. Tomo will provide an overview of gaining confidence as a Top or a bottom, being safe, and knowing the what and the how. The focus of this class will be on "Kink 101" and to provide a safe space to ask all the questions you’d like to ask!
Whether you take pain for yourself or for your Top, pain can be erotic and ecstatic. At times, it can also be miserable! If you are a masochist, this class will help you take care of your body and increase what you can endure over the long haul. For submissive masochists who don't necessarily take pain just for pain's sake, we will discuss ways to prepare and increase your endurance level. We will also address ways in which the Top can inspire more pain than the bottom thinks s/he can take. This class will include discussion on preparation before a scene, techniques to increase your endurance during the scene, getting through that point of struggle we all know about, and after care that you as the bottom can do for yourself to prepare your body for the next scene and long term. These steps can lead to an increase in the amount of pain you take and the pleasure you experience in doing so.
Massage for Sadistic Pleasure
Massage shared between partners is typically thought of as having a goal of being pleasurable for the person on the receiving end. In this class, we will switch that goal to one of feeding the sadism of the Top and providing suffering for the bottom. Topics will include safety, pain not damage, and the healthy therapeutic results that may be gained from this type of play. We will learn proper body mechanics to “massage” with minimal effort, methods for painful muscle manipulation, meridians (energy pathways) and pressure points along those pathways used to cause extreme discomfort. Participation is not required; however, this is a hands-on class so you are encouraged to bring a towel and a partner - no nice smelly oils needed.
Hands that Serve, Hands that Heal
Shiatsu is a Japanese method of finger pressure massage that may be used on trigger and pressure points to promote a healthy lifestyle, induce healing, and help with stress relief. In this class, Tomo will share how massage can be a sexy exchange as service as well as something you can use on yourself. We will learn a basic wellness treatment for the back and neck, as well as other useful pressure points in the body to help us maintain healthy muscle tissue and energy flow for our partner and ourselves. The class will include a brief introduction to Eastern medicine, the meridian system, and healing methods. Topics will include safety, healthy therapeutic results, and proper body mechanics to massage with minimal effort, meridians (energy pathways) and useful pressure points along those pathways. This is a hands-on class, though participation is not required and no prior experience is needed.
Don't Move - Binding With Rope 101
Ever thought rope was sexy but too complicated? Want to remove your bottom's ability to move by your control, but intimidated by fancy rope that seems too difficult? Tomo will help! This class will present clear, simple, and easy to learn yet very effective rope techniques. We will talk about rope safety and practice ties. By the end of the class, you'll be ready to bind your partner with rope and well – what you do after that is up to you! Tomo promises to remove the mystery and complication of tying. If you can tie your shoes, you can do this! Come alone or with a partner and with any type of rope for practice. Tomo will have practice rope to lend.
Hojojutsu – Martial Art of Tying a Prisoner
Hojojutsu is a Japanese martial art of securing a prisoner with rope. Ties attack air, energy, and blood pathways. If the prisoner struggles, increased pain and discomfort occur. The techniques are not comfortable, not nice, and highly effective. This class will maintain the martial aspect of Hojojutsu while using technique in a reasonably safe manner for play. A brief history of Hojojutsu, types of ropes used, how to prepare rope for use and several capture ties (hayanawa) will be taught including from tasuki (rope to hold back kimono), torinawa (capture rope, fast rope bundle) and practiced with detail and assistance. If time allows, a honnawa or transport tie will be taught to replace the hayanawa for sustainability. This is a hands-on class though participation is not required. Please bring your own rope, however instructor will have rope to lend.
Capture, Bondage and Torture Techniques of the Samurai
Techniques from the Samurai arts such as Jujutsu and Hojojutsu will be modified in this class for use in the dungeon. Martial arts concepts from Jujutsu including pressure points, pain, body mechanics, and joint control will be taught to take down, restrain the bottom, and maintain control during a Hojojutsu rope tie. Hojojutsu ties attack air, energy, and blood pathways and are not comfortable, not nice, and highly effective. This class will maintain the martial aspects of these arts in a reasonably safe manner for play. Several takedowns, restraint techniques, and ties will be taught and practiced with detail and assistance. This is a hands-on class though participation is not required. Please bring your own rope if possible, however instructor will have rope to lend.
Pressure Points To Cause Pain
Meridians are energy pathways in the body commonly used in martial arts, acupressure and acupuncture. Along these pathways are many points that can cause intense pain without injury or marks. Pressure points can be used with little strength on all body types. We will discover and practice several effective pressure points to get your bottom's attention, cause pain, takedown, or subdue. The proper and most effective ways to activate these points will be shown, using parts of your own body to press, and other objects to intensify the sensation. Safety and health concerns will be discussed to ensure that this play is fun and safe. Participation is not required; however, this is a hands-on class so get ready to grab somebody willing and watch them make great faces!
Takedown and Control
Let's get rough. This class will cover takedowns taken from martial arts techniques and modified to create safe yet rough play. Takedowns, choking, subdue and restraint techniques, and pain will be used to physically take control over the willing or unwilling bottom. Big tough Top, small body? Come and learn how size does not matter. Everyone will have the opportunity to practice the takedowns presented in a safe and sexy environment.
The Joy of Punching
Hitting your bottom can be a hot fun way to cause pain. The intimacy of hands-on sadism can be intense and connected. What is not hot is injury in the middle of a scene! We’ll begin this class by learning proper punching technique so it isn’t the top that hurts. Small Top, large bottom - it doesn’t matter. Striking techniques work on all body types if done properly and placed specifically. We’ll explore and practice methods of striking and areas of the body to create a range of pain from pleasant to unbearable.
Capture and Torture Techniques of Hojojutsu
Hojojutsu is a Japanese martial art of securing a prisoner with rope. Ties attack air, energy, and blood pathways. If the prisoner struggles, increased pain and discomfort occur. Specific ties can also be used to torture the prisoner for the purpose of humiliation, pain, suffering and to further dissuade struggle and attempted escape. In this class we will practice both hayanawa (capture tie) and honnawa (transport tie) with variations added for the purpose of torture. This is a hands-on class though participation is not required. Please bring your own rope, however instructor will have rope to lend.
Restraint, Pain, Misery: Martial Arts Techniques For The Dungeon (3 hr intensive)
During this hands-on intensive, Tomo will present martial arts techniques modified to create safe yet rough play. Starting with a basic takedown, techniques will be taught to make life easy for the Top and miserable for the bottom. Choking, subdue and restraint techniques, joint locking, punching, Hojojutsu, and pressure points will be taught to control the willing or unwilling bottom. Everyone will have the opportunity to practice, yet physical participation is not required. Come alone or with a partner. Big Top, small body? Physical or mobility limitations? Come and learn how size and physical abilities do not matter.